Politics’ role in Identity
I've previously spoken about how, as an immigrant Chinese, I deeply struggled to fit into life in the United Kingdom. What I didn’t mention last time, however, is that the Chinese identity crisis has a complex political dimension, making it even more difficult to navigate and resolve. The rising power of China has always been a double-edged sword for how Chinese people are generally treated. Stereotypes and media coverage often influence how others perceive you, sometimes overshadowing your individuality and personal experiences.
China’s position as the United States' main rival, both economically and politically, has led the US to portray China in the worst possible light. While I can’t fully justify these actions, I also understand why such a stance might seem reasonable from their perspective. However, the impact this has on how people interact with Chinese individuals is significant. For many overseas diaspora groups, including myself, being Chinese can feel like an obstacle. It becomes harder to appreciate what it means to be Chinese, and sometimes that aspect of our identity is resented simply because it seems to hold us back from things others take for granted, such as a sense of belonging.
Often, there’s constant pressure to prove yourself among Westerners, while our upbringing encourages us to remain composed and not be too outspoken. This dynamic has unfortunately made insecurities and feelings of depression all too common for those of us living overseas.
Until iShowSpeed gained popularity in China, perceptions of China and Chinese people were largely negative, especially during the COVID pandemic. Personally, I was never badly affected during this time, but conversations with my friends opened a Pandora’s box of challenges and made me realise just how impossible it feels to change public perceptions. I remember hearing stories from friends whose Chinese restaurants were vandalised, and about the abusive behaviour directed at Chinese people simply for being who they are.
With Speed’s recent rise in popularity, it’s striking how quickly things seemed to shift. And yet, it’s hard to truly believe that everything can just change overnight; many of us in the Chinese overseas diaspora are still struggling to adjust to this new reality. It’s a tragedy that, for us, it has become normal to accept racism and, at times, even to hate ourselves. Making jokes about ourselves isn’t necessarily a bad thing; in fact, it can come across as a sign of humility or comfort with who we are. But for many of us, it actually masks a deeper sense of internalised racism. When that feeling takes hold, it becomes all too easy to reject yourself, no matter what.
When you combine the challenge of growing up in a foreign country with the constant barrage of negative stories about China, even the simple act of appreciating yourself becomes incredibly difficult. Ultimately, though, the responsibility for accepting and valuing yourself rests with you alone. Before university, I really struggled to love Chinese culture, even though I was constantly surrounded by critical media narratives. Whether those reports were true or not, for people like me, they made it much harder to take pride in being Chinese, certainly not in the same way someone raised in the mainland might experience.
An unfortunate reality is that when people harbour resentment, they will always find a scapegoat. The constant bombardment of anti-CCP news outlets made it even harder for me to appreciate anything about being Chinese. For a significant part of my life, I hated everything to do with my Chinese identity and made an active effort to distance myself from it. It’s human nature; we all want to be appreciated and respected, and if that means changing who we are, it sometimes feels worth the price.
Speaking from my own experience, this was the most miserable period of my life. I remember one night, before falling asleep, I even wished I were Japanese or Korean, just so I wouldn’t be vulnerable to political attacks. When you’re encouraged to despise everything you were taught to love, it’s impossible not to feel miserable. But I don’t want to play the victim here, because the sensible choice eventually became clear: you must keep searching for people who will accept you, regardless of politics. If you find someone who sees you for who you truly are, despite what the world says, you’ve found a diamond in the dirt.
